yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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