The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
