Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
