Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
