i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
