I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize