I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
