please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Even my vagina gasped.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
