I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
