But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
