dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
