i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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