You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
