I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
