You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
