I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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