so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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