worst night to have a conscience
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
