You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
