It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
