yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
