i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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