How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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