You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
