My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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