Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
