Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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