I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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