is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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