i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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