Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
