I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
