thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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