I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
