If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Terrible idea I love it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
