Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
