you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
