I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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