I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
