from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
