so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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