I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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