You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
