We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize