Jerry, you need to find god
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
