If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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