she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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