so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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