Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
