Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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