Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
