I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
