Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
