I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize