oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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