He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
