I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
