we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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