We won't sleep together?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
