Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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