My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize