Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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