im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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