Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize