hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
