You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
