she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
