Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Green mimosas i think yes
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
