God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
