I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wear drunk well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
