I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
