We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
