we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
