he wants to bone in the snuggie
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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